Sitting in the Void

Recently I found myself knee deep in, what I like to call, the void. Something about this eclipse season and yet another mercury retrograde, plus a long journey and transition across seas, threw me into somewhat of a spiral. Out of nowhere, I began to question everything. My path, my purpose, my self worth, even who I was, or perhaps it was more about who I had been and who I was becoming. I’m beginning to lean towards the latter analogy. There’s something about these planetary shifts that brings about big clearings, transitions and new chapters.

The thing with the void is, it feels, to me at least, like that place between worlds, between realities, where the veils become thin; even the word reality becomes quite elusive. There seems to be no solid ground to root down into, and nothing else to grasp on to, no edges, just a big expanse of nothingness. Your reality turns from something that seemed quite clear and purposeful, to doubting and questioning it all.

All of a sudden, my purpose wasn’t clear anymore, in fact, nothing was clear. I wasn’t clear on who I was; I was lost in the abyss. I felt myself spinning into the void, not knowing which way to turn; so I just kept falling. As I fell, and as I doubted life itself, I landed into the midst of all my shadows, and into the darkness. The place that I’d been endeavouring to avoid for so long then became my reality.

In the beginning, whatever I did, nothing felt good. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I was in the deep waters of my soul. And as uncomfortable as it felt, I had to just be in it, accept it, and sit right in it. I had to fully let go of what I felt my life should be, what it should look like and how it should feel, and just be with what was showing up in the present moment. And that’s when it finally dawned on me; this was the opportune time to really put my teachings into practice. I was being called to deeply surrender into my present moment, without holding onto anything from the past, and without projecting any fears into the future, but rather, just be.

Initially in the void it felt as if everything had become stagnant. Nothing was flowing. The stagnant waters had become muddy with flies swarming around them. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. I wondered why my soul had chosen to come and land onto this strange rock at this time. Am I thinking too much about it all? I have a tendency to do that. I wondered, can I just go out and distract myself from my own thoughts; from myself? Maybe… but I knew that wouldn’t bring me the clarity or the insights that I was searching for. So, then I had to even let go of the searching. Because even in the realm of searching, I was energetically forcing the answers away, does that make sense? So, after letting go of all the illusions, the confusion, I let go even more.

I came to realise that when one allows themselves to fully surrender into the void, it can actually be a really beautiful place to be, for there is essentially nothing to do, but be in it. When you’re in it, it sort of forces you to look at every single part of your life, and pushes you to your uncomfortable edges, so that you look even deeper. Forget the surface, 3D stuff… I’m talking real depth, conscious awareness of self, without finding any distractions. I’m talking all your shadows, all your shit, all your genuine feelings, and your true TRUE passions in life; not what you think you should be doing, but what really get’s your heart singing and dancing. Do you know what those things are for you?

Somehow, despite my initial mental struggle, I started to find comfort in the void of nothingness. It became the place that seemed real and then it began to feel like home. I found that the very place I’d been avoiding for so long actually held so much potent wisdom and beauty, so rather than try to run from it, I wanted to revel in it. I found my releases in writing, in singing, in dancing. I would dance so hard that tears would start to flow; I let them. I would shake, and sweat and cry and the messiness of it all felt so good!

Dancing, as always, became my biggest medicine, my greatest teacher, healer and keeper of all the answers. I was holding onto so much in my body, that in the releasing, I then found all the wisdom that was residing in there, lifetimes of stories that were yet to be told, I was remembering. Ultimately, the void brought me even more deeply to myself; the void brought me home. Such a magnificent rising after the descent.

So, sweet souls, when your entire world seems in chaos, I invite you to sit in the void. Be ok with not knowing; be ok with the confusion, and with whatever the void is pulling you into. There is nothing to fear here, yet everything to discover. For all the answers lay within the depths of you and your soul. So stop searching outside of yourself for what lays beneath and embrace all of the beauty that is within you. Everything is there.

Find what makes your heart happy, truly happy. And do that. It’s that simple. For when you follow this call, your vibration rises to a frequency of pure love, and the more of us that are moving from this frequency, the more love that will be felt on our beautiful planet. She is our reflection and she needs us to be in that love vibration.. And we all need a little more love in our lives.

With love
Joanna
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